I look for water

[La Luna Unita]

I have a poison in me.
It drips, drips, drips
Down into the caverns
Of the inside of me,
Forming stalactites
Sharp and stabbing
When I roll over in my sleep.

I look for water,
For rest, for peace.
Everything is dry
And the poison is all I have to drink.
It crystallizes, fossilizes
preserves and hardens my anger;
It makes me heavy while I carry it.

I look for water,
A soft, cool envelope
To sink beneath,
Arms stretched overhead
Blue and blue and blue and blue
Sink like a stone,
Rest in dust on the bottom.

I look for water,
To sleep, to hide.
Feel it wash away my skin and sorrow,
Feel it brush cool and wet along my arms,
Feel it dissolve my anger,
Feel it fill my throat,
Feel it fill my heart.

[sarafina mable]

this piece is really beautiful.

"Forming stalactites
Sharp and stabbing
When I roll over in my sleep."
--this image is particularly interesting, i didn't even know what stalactite was before i read this piece (i looked it up). but what a perfect description

"It makes me heavy while I carry it."
--this is so applicable. i'm not exactly sure what the 'poison' is in particular to you, but it seems like it could be anything, and i especially like that about this piece.

"Blue and blue and blue and blue
Sink like a stone"
--this repetition works here. kinda stylizes the piece a little more.

"Feel it wash away my skin and sorrow"
--its so amazing that sometimes its being in your own skin that feels like the worst curse. i like how skin and sorrow are so related here.

a really moving piece overall [img]smile.gif[/img]

[La Luna Unita]

Thanks so much for the critique! That's why I post these, after all.

I don't know if you were actually asking a question, sarafina, but the "poison" is really just anger. I'm typically a joyful person by nature, but for about two weeks I was just consumed with anger and I could not figure out why. I sat for hours writing and writing with a friend one night, and this was the culmination of the writing and the thing that finally broke through and gave me some peace. I still don't know the reason for it, but I'm living proof that poetry as therapy has definite value!

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ February 26, 2004 11:45 PM: Message edited by: La Luna Unita ]</font>